The Hard Facts with Jett Black – Edward Carson Exclusive Interview!

JBTV strives to consider every citizen when choosing who we bring on the show, and that extends to our less than traditional resident! Edward Carson, previously featured on our article The Ghost Car of Los Santos, appeared in the JBTV News building one day, and I felt it was my duty to get the HARD FACTS on this ghost car. The previous article was testimony from several citizens, but I had not experienced this playful poltergeist for myself, and so I felt a commitment to the people at home to bring my first-hand experience to the table. I’m happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised by the interaction, with a sudden trip down to the canals between streets, Edward took me on a little joyride, which ended in an incredible flip!

For this interview, we had to shake up the format a bit, as Mr. Carson is only able to communicate by honking his horn. So, we decided to start with yes/no questions, proceed with a multiple choice array, and adjusted our Civic Report Card game by letting him grade himself from a single long beep to a lot of quick beeps! So, to start us off, I tried to keep things simple and informative. “Do you remember your life before becoming… vehicularly deceased?”

This was fascinating news! It’s popularized that ghosts hold some remnant of their lives lived, but to have it confirmed that he remembered everything was nothing short of the answer I had very much hoped for. But, we weren’t about to go too far into this interview before determining whether or not this car was completely misunderstood, or if there was a rhyme and reason for the people’s assumptions about him. “Have you ever scared someone on purpose?”

So, there was a reason this car had everyone fooled into thinking he was malicious! He can be a little prankster at times and, when you’re part of the supernatural, innocent pranks can quickly be seen as a storybook haunting. We shared a laugh, but to counter those who start to think less of Mr. Carson for his occassional antics, I decided to ask a more personal, more endearing question. “Do you ever get lonely in the garage at night?”

I know my heart broke upon hearing that sound. It must be such a lonely existence, being the only one of his kind in this city. I can’t imagine that other cars provide meaningful conversation, and I haven’t heard of another ghost in Los Santos so I doubt many can empathize with his unique existence. But, not wanting to dwell on the sadness, I threw in a wild card question, just to see what he’d say. “Do you believe in ghosts?”

Another round of laughter as, believe it or not, the ghost car actually believes in ghosts. These are the HARD FACTS that we’re always hoping to bring you. But, in a question I’m sure Charley would be proud of, I decided to ask a little bit about his tastes. “Do you like the color of the car you possess? If given the opportunity, would you get it changed?”

That was a single beep for each question, so those at home can rest assured that Mr. Carson is strutting around Los Santos feeling his best with looks to match. So, with that out of the way, we moved on over to the multiple choice questions. How it worked was that he would give one beep for A, two beeps for B, and so on. If he didn’t think any of them fit his preference, he could give a series of beeps or four beeps. So, for the first question, I asked “what phrase best describes your driving style?” It was either A, a speed demon, B, a cautious drive, or C, ‘I only hit things by accident, I swear’.

A speed demon! With the muscle car he possessed, it wasn’t too much of a surprise, but you bet I’d love to see him in some kind of a race. That engine revs with intent, and I can’t imagine being more in-tune with your car than he is. The next question was, again, something to help the audience empathize with Mr. Carson in his unique situation. “Which emotion best fits your horn honk? Is it A, anger, B, excitement, or C, existential dread?”

Excitement! The longer this interview went on, the more I saw Mr. Carson as a playful entity, just trying to make the best of the cards he was dealt. While most may think that being trapped in a car for eternity would be a less than ideal afterlife, Mr. Carson took it in stride and decided to make the most of his unique situation. For the next question, I tried to ask a question to determine just how different being a car was from driving a car. “Your relationship to speed bumps is: A, your mortal enemy, B, a necessary evil, or C, you don’t even feel them anymore”.

Oh, what a life, or rather an afterlife, that would be. To completely ignore those annoying little hills of asphalt and keep cruising to your hearts content. In fact, Mr. Carson sees them as little ramps! Not being able to feel the shock of your butt slamming against the seat when you went just a bit too fast at the wrong time? It’s every Vice City resident’s dream. So for the next question, I wanted to get an idea of what down time looks like for Mr. Carson. “Your ideal parking spot, or where you just like to rest when you’re not zipping around the streets, would be: A, under a shady tree, B, next to a cool muscle car, or C, far away from any kind of shopping center where shopping carts might be running into you.”

Beside a muscle car! This was some perfect foreshadowing for the questions coming in for the viewers at home, but before we moved onto those questions, we took some time to play one of our show’s favorite game, Civic Report Card! I asked Mr. Carson to give one long beep if it’s a low grade, several fast beeps if it’s a high grade, or just a few normal beeps for somewhere in the middle. For the first topic, I asked for his self-grade on his own criminal suspicion.

This is exactly what I had been thinking, as even we here at JBTV had the wrong idea on Mr. Carson’s nature, but it only took one personal experience for me to understand him so much better, so thereabout a C sounded perfect. For the next one, and this one was a bit tongue in cheek, I asked Mr. Carson to rate his public speaking.

We shared some laughter, which is what I started to assume was what Mr. Carson’s engine revving meant, as he gave himself top marks on public speaking, and honestly, who could disagree at this point? He’s on a talk show as a car, and he’s slaying every question! The next topic pried into his own opinion about his moral fiber. Is he a standup citizen, or does he have crooked tendencies?

As you would expect from this whimsical wraith, Mr. Carson considers himself right down the middle, taking both lawful actions and preserving the peace in equal measure to causing a little chaos. I image many viewers at home can relate, as our great city of Los Santos is teeming with that ever-shifting balance of hard working businesses and criminals trying to make a name for themselves. The final topic to give himself a grade came up, and I think I speak for everyone when I wonder how a car would rate themselves on public decency. Is he always naked? Is he never naked? The answer may very well surprise you.

Myself and the studio audience cracked up, and then as if to prove his point, Mr. Carson opened his trunk over and over, and I think we all know what that means! All in all, I think with two C’s, an A, and an F, Mr. Carson can graduate, but just watch out if you ever try to tailgate him!

We finally moved on to the questions from the viewers, but seeing as how we had so thoroughly covered many topics, we eliminated them down to three. One viewer asked, “Were you a stuntman before you were a car?”

What a lucky guess! Seeing as how Mr. Carson could only ever communicate in beeps, we would have had to ask him over and over with different professions to find out what his living occupation was, but one viewer hit the nail on the head, as we can expect from avid consumers of the truth! After that, we moved onto another viewer question, which asked “Have you ever seen the movie Knight Rider, and if so, do you like it?”

At first, I hadn’t heard the second beep, but there was some egg on my face when I realized Mr. Carson had probably heard that reference more times than he could count in his short time in this afterlife, so the famous production had probably lost some of its relatability. Finally, the final question from the audience, the one that had been foreshadowed, came forth. “Are there any lady cars you’ve got your headlights on?”

Three beeps! Even though we hadn’t established what that meant, I think I had learned enough about Mr. Carson to know he was intentionally being playful and mysterious with the viewers at home, giving us a non-committal answer to the question burning in most people’s minds! But, it was time to wrap up, so I summarized Mr. Carson’s antics, his reasonings, and an assurance that he is just trying to keep the exciting life blood of Los Santos pumping, just as he seemed to do in life!

Before we wrapped up, though, I felt it was important to bookend the show with saying that I, Jett Black, am sorry. I am sorry for the article that painted Mr. Carson in a bad light. We here at JBTV strive to bring you the truth, but sometimes the truth is deeper than anyone could have thought, and what’s important is that, at the end of the day, even if our initial findings lacked the proper context, we KEPT LOOKING until we brought you the truth we guarantee!